My Fear of Death
Question and answer details
| |||
| A (21_female_Singapore) | |||
| 2015/04/19 | |||
| As-Salam Aleikom. I think I have panic disorder and it’s due to fear. I fear of death. I find it hard to go on with my normal life routine because whatever I do the voices inside my head would link it with death and I get more scared. I have difficulties with sleeping at night. Almost every night, I feel scared to sleep and when I finally do, I always dream. I need some advice. Thank you. | |||
| Aisha Mohammed-Swan | |||
Answer
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,
Thank you for writing to us. It must be quite frightening to constantly fear death and always be thinking about it. I am wondering if you have recently experienced a loss or if something tragic happened in your life. As you are now a young adult, you are going through many changes as well as having to deal with the stresses and choices a young adult faces. Often times, as young adults, we are not adequately prepared to deal with these challenges.
I have worked with many young people around your age, and this seems to be a common theme upon which they begin to contemplate. While not all young adults develop a fear of death, some do, and it is often accompanied by either anxiety of panic disorder, ranging from mild to severe. It is said that at the stem of anxiety & panic disorder, is the fear of death, whether it is conscious or subconscious.
While there are many theories surrounding this phenomenon, PT states that”Death anxiety are triggered by both negative and positive events. As people sense time passing, they are confronted with sickness, frustrations in life and reminders of death, they fear about their mortality. Paradoxically, as men and women give special value to their lives, experience unusual successes, and find new and unique gratifications, they tend to suffer more death anxiety. The more we value life, the more we have to lose in death.” My dear sister, as you did not give much details of your life (home, career, family, school), I can only offer the following non-specific suggestions.
I would like you to keep a journal. Every time you begin to think about death, write down what you were thinking about BEFORE you started to think about death. Also,in sha' Allah, write down your death thoughts. Do not be afraid of them; they can't hurt you. However, the more you write down and confront your fearful thoughts, the less frightening they will become over time. As you journal, I want you to write down questions concerning your thought such as “Is this based on reality? Is this related to something I have experienced? On a scale of 1-10 (1 - not likely and10 - very likely), how likely is it that this will happen?” Please keep this daily journal for at least two months. It will give you a good platform for identifying your fears as well as facing them. When we face our fears, we take control over them. This means that they no longer control us, our feelings, our actions or our thoughts.
Additionally sister, I would like you to practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis and especially the Progressive Muscle Relaxation Exercise before bed to help you sleep. Keeping our minds, body and emotions relaxed helps ward of anxiety & panic if we are prone to it. In addition, people without these disorders practice relaxation techniques on a daily basis to keep emotionally and spiritually healthy. In addition, yoga, meditation, aromatherapy (and many other modalities) as well as daily exercise all work in conjunction to promote healthy lifestyles and balanced emotions. There are self help tests which you can do on line to assess your level of anxiety as well as panic. I encourage you to take them, for self knowledge is empowering.
I also highly suggest dear sister that you find a professional therapist in your area so you can get a proper diagnosis and ongoing treatment. It is best to deal with these issues now rather than to continue living with them year after year, hoping they will go away, because they usually will not, unless you take the needed steps to address them. And please remember sister, you are not alone; many have gone through this and have successfully overcome it. I believe in you and your ability to also overcome these fears. You are a beautiful sister with much to offer. Please don't let these fears hold you back!
Lastly, and most importantly, draw closer to Allah (SWT) as He knows what you are suffering, and He is the ultimate healer. Make du’aa’, do dkhir, read Qur'an and try to get involved in Islamic activities such as social groups, Islamic Study groups, or doing charity. All these things will be blessings in your life as well as strengthen your resolve. Find peace in that. Onislam states: “Surely, the Qur'an, which is the Word of Allah, is going to soothe your heart, appease you and provide you with tranquility and peace. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "When the Qur'an is melodiously recited, Allah's Sakina (tranquility) will descend upon our hearts, and the angels will envelop us in Divine Mercy.”
You may also recite the following supplications: Laillah illa Allah al azeem al haleem. Laillah illa Allah rabbi el -`arsh al azeem. Laillah illa Allah rabbi es-samawat wa rabbil 'ard rabbil `arshil kareem. Allahumma rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata `ain wa 'aslih li sha'ni kullahu. Laillah illa anta.
(There is no god but Allah, the Great and the Clement. There is no god but Allah, Lord of the Mighty Throne. There is no god but Allah, Lord of the Heavens and Lord of the Earth, Lord of the Noble Throne. O Allah! I invoke Your Mercy, do not abandon me to my own devices, even for an instance, straighten out all my affairs for me, there is no god but You.)"
You are in our prayers sister; please let us know how you are doing.
Helpful Links
Fear of Death and Its Remedy
About the Counselor:
Aisha Mohammed-Swan received her PhD in psychology from the University of Integrative Learning in 2000. Aisha worked as a Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on Depression, Anxiety, Marriage/Relationships, Community-Cultural Issues, and Life Stages.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. If you feel you are going to harm yourself, or harm someone else, please seek immediate help by calling your country’s international hotline! In no event shall Onislam, it's volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.
| |||
