I Cannot Trust My Wife Anymore
Question and answer details
| |||
| Z (28_male_Pakistan) | |||
| 2015/04/17 | |||
| As-Salamu Alaykum, I got married with my cousin 7 months ago. Due to financial issues, I had to come to Saudi Arabia. When I came here 3 months after my marriage, my brother told me that my wife is having an affair with one of our cousins. I didn't believe him first, but later on, I figured out that it was indeed true. I asked my wife about this issue and she swore to Allah twice that it's not like that. She didn't know that I already know everything. She kept lying to me, but when I told her that I have evidence, she accepted everything and started begging me to forgive her. My question is that she swore to Allah while she was lying, so I am confused now what Islam says about it. Should I leave her or accept her apologize? This situation makes me worried because I can't trust her anymore. How can I spend my whole life with a girl who can cheat me in early days of marriage and who swears to Allah and the Prophet (s.a.w.) while lying? Please, help me I am so confused. My wife is 18 years old and I am 28 years old. | |||
| Raghad Ebied | |||
Answer
Wa 'Alaykum As-Salam brother,
I am sorry to hear of this bad situation. Here are a few things to consider.
In the beginning, you mentioned that your brother said your wife was having an affair with her cousin, and then you said that they love each other. If you are considering staying with your wife, it is important to identify to what extent this affair reached, since having emotions that were not acted upon is very different than committing adultery.
Having said that, if your wife did have an affair, she should first make sincere repentance to Allah, vow to never do it again and seek forgiveness from you which she has done. Allah (SWT) is indeed the Most Forgiving, but it is important for you to ask yourself whether you think you can truly forgive her and move forward with a marriage that may bring children later on.
This woman will be the mother of your children and there is no other crucial role in the building of a healthy family and a healthy society. Unfortunately, although people can change, in most cases past behavior usually predicts future behavior.
Trust can be built up again, but it will take time and a lot of work from your wife. If you feel that you can no longer trust her, cannot forgive her and will hold this grudge against her, which will cause more hurt, then you may need to consider separation, knowing that separation will also be a difficult experience. Pray theistikharah prayer, and ask Allah (SWT) to facilitate what is best for you.
For further guidance, kindly check out the following links:
Salam,
About The Counselor:
Raghad Ebied has completed a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, a Bachelor of Education and acquired certification in Life Coaching, Adults Training, and Relationship Coaching. She has also completed a Certificate of Leadership from the University of Ottawa and is currently completing her Masters in Educational Leadership.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. You are strongly advised to seek face-to-face counseling and consult your physician or therapist when making a drastic change in your lifestyle in terms of behavior, medication or diet etc.
| |||
